woensdag 4 april 2012

Innocence



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My boy is growing up.
He is getting bigger and smarter every day.
And so is his world.

I wish he could stay the way he is right now, 
I don't want him ever to know about  murder; prostitution;
 pedophilia; pornography; school shootings..
All the bad things that are happening out there.

I realize that these things are part of my world. 


Not his.

His world is about Mario Galaxy, school, gym, Sponge Bob, Phineus and ferb, Lego, eating,
eating some more, french fries, homework, school, friends and family.


That's it, that's his whole world.

And I would really like it, if it could stay that way.

I need to tell him about the birds and the bees.
The real version, not the preschool version.
I want him to be educated by us, be able to talk to us, 

But I hesitate..
 I don't really want him to be part of my world.

We sat on the couch the other day.
And dancing around it, I tried to talk to him about s-e-x.

Finally, I said: "You know, you can talk to us about anything.
We want to talk to you, and tell you how we think about things.
because not everyone thinks the same. And we want to teach you our values."


"You know, you can even ask us about sex."

Just saying the word in front of my nine year old made me feel awkward.
Like by saying that word, I already ruined his world.

"So do you? Do you have any questions?"
Yes mom. I have, he said.


I braced myself, we were actually going to do this.

"Mom, what are drugs?"




What are your thoughts?
How did you prepare your children, or how do you intend to prepare your kids?
I would really like to hear from you.



Comments (43)

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I feel exactly the same way, my daughter is turning 7 on the 10th and I can't handle that, I wish I could keep her small forever. I shudder to think about the birds and the bees talk. But I can't keep her protected forever, you also can't my friend. If its really that difficult for you just find a book that explains everything(not pornographic ofcourse) but more on the educational level, I intend to do that. I can't imagine explaining such terms as masturba*&%@ (I can't even write it) and teen books explain it in a good way....Oh, this is so so hard. *holdingyourhand*
My recent post I'm Scared
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
I'm kinda hoping I'll be getting advice for this, not giving it. Good luck, I hope you find some answers.
My recent post The Sofa
3 replies · active 678 weeks ago
Hee Mirjam,
vergeef me dat ik niet de tijd neem om te lezen, je weet ik ben een plaatjeskijker. En wat!!! een geweldige foto's zijn dit weer. Echt van jouzelf? Dan wordt t helemaal geweldig als je eenmaal de macrolens hebt.
liefs,
KJ
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
oh this is so tough. i'm years away from this but i have nephews and nieces who i've helped grow... i think the best thing to do is to be open and honest. there are some ugly things in this world, but there are some amazingly beautiful things, too. just because we have to discuss some of the ugly, doesn't mean we can't discuss the beautiful stuff even more.
My recent post Wordless Wednesday: The jackpot
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
It's the bad people in the world that I am cringing about explaining to my little guy. I don't even know how to have the Stranger Danger talk with him never mind the birds & the bees!
My recent post Rainy Days
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
I wasn't expecting that! I'm sure you weren't either. But the main thing is your talk worked - he is able to ask you about things that worry him. Make sure you reward that with open and honest answers, and no rephrehension, and I'm sure you'll be fine.
My recent post When the Big Boss becomes Big Brother
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
I have a 10 year old and recently (last year) learned that 10 is rather late to "begin" the discussion - it should happen earlier so they aren't shocked. I hadn't said a word til last year and then - after the fact - realized I'd made the mistake of making it a long conversation - should be short. Now if I say to her, "Let's talk" she will say, "Oh mom, you're not going to tell me about VAGINAS again!" - ugh. So I made mistakes!
Sounds like you are doing a good job. (-:
It's hard watching them grow up isn't it, and lose their innocence..
My recent post What It Means To Be Seven
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
My only advice is to keep the lines of communication open. I know it's hard to realize that they need this "grown up" information, but it will make it easier in the long run.
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
Oh, this is a tough one. Growing up, my parents never talked to me about drugs or sex. And I mean seriously. I knew about it from TV, but in my house, it was never something that was ever brought up. With my girls, I want to talk about things but I don't want to have to sit down and have formal talks. I want to just talk to them as it seems appropriate, you know? It's all so awkward, but I think the important part is that our kids know that they can talk to us, that we are the ones that they should come to to talk, not the Internet or their friends. I'm not where you are yet with my girls, they're still very little, but this is what I hope to do down the line. We'll see.
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
It's so difficult teaching them things that chip away at their innocence. But no matter how hard, it's best that you're the one to do it.
1 reply · active 678 weeks ago
Ooof what a tough q -- who wants to have to explain that kind of stuff to their kids?
My recent post Sometimes, I’m Not Terribly Helpful in Stressful Situations
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
*gasp* I have no idea! My oldest is only 7 and I don't even want to go there anytime soon! I'm curious to see what other people say about this too! (That's totally funny he answered, "What's drugs?" though!)
My recent post Signs Of Spring
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
But you have to talk and talk and keep talking, so that when they are teenagers they are so used to talking to you that it doesn't seem weird or awkward at all. Just only tell them what they want or need to know at their stage. I had a funny moment with my daughter in the car when she asked me about periods and I gave her the low down on them and then some. She finally interrupted me with "Moms, I just really wanted to know if you knew when I was going to get my first period. Beyond that, can we just stop talking." Oops! Nice piece, Erin
My recent post 10 Guilty Pleasures That Shouldn’t Be
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
This is excellent. I agree with Erin. If you are talking from day one - the talking happens naturally, which leads to questions answered naturally. Having two boys, I am forcing myself to use language that relates to their adolescence. The more I use the language, the more comfortable I feel. The more comfortable I feel, the more comfortable the boys feel. Just like Dora keeps swimming, parents need to keep talking.
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
I really feel for parents these days. Kids can learn from SO many different sources that I feel as though parents have to do a dance to make sure they beat these other sources to the punch. Hopefully you've opened the door enough that he will come to you if he does start to hear about it somewhere else.
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
Oh wow, that is a hard one. I don't think my kids ever asked that question. I'm a little embarrassed to say they probably learned about it on TV and then we discussed it later. Probably not nearly enough.
My recent post I’m Not Pregnant
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
I am still avoiding telling my boy about these things. I feel just like you, if you figure out how let me know!!!
1 reply · active 677 weeks ago
Ah, I remember having the sex talk with my mom. She told me how babies were made, and my jaw dropped open and I said, "But YOU didn't make babies that way, RIGHT?!? There's another way, RIGHT???" Haha my poor mom.
My recent post Fullness
I never had this talk with my Mom, sex or drugs. I'm counting on Dad to handle the boys... although I think we'll both have a part. I agree with Alison though - I'm looking for advice myself with this one!
I wish I could go back to the innocence of childhood, where all that mattered were video games, the outdoors, and (ironically) wanting to grow up.
My recent post The Eve of Opening Day (A "Poem&quot ;)
What are drugs? Good grief! My child has no concept of drugs, except maybe cigarettes. He's 5. We haven't discussed drugs or sex (except for some very innocent baby questions and body questions). Death we've had our fair share of discussing. I go with honest but simple. I ask what he thinks of what I say. But you're already ahead of me. I can't even imagine. Thought-provoking post!
My recent post Guilty Pleasures.
I am so so so not ready for this stage yet.
I'm trying too to keep my son as innocent as possible. My dad always told me that when you have a child the world is uglier than you could ever imagine. He was totally right.

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